Pigskin PR : The NFL Needs Help with Its Problem Players

Pigskin PR

Now that the Super Bowl is done and the season is over it's time to take a quiet, thoughtful look at the NFL.

We all know that Football has a problem, a problem with Bad Boys. You know them. They are the late night offenders, the drug test losers, tough guys who like to hit women, the stars who behave on national TV as if they are certifiably insane ( e.g. end-zone dances).

The worst ones move from franchise to franchise until the team can't take it any more. But mostly they stay put and their teams make do. There always seems to be another chance given. Another chance to mess up. Another chance to embarrass almost everyone. I understand the Teams' problem. These guys are expensive talent and they win football games. Teams make money when they win football games. So what's the League to do?

Here's what the NFL should do. The League needs to establish a Prison Team! Take all the Bad Boys, assist in their prosecution and, if convicted, send them to a franchise created just for them. Assemble them into a team made up exclusively of criminals. Maybe we call them the Cons. Their home field would be a forty thousand-seat prison yard. They'd play in a rectangular stadium because rectangles are easier to fence (thanks George Carlin) and lock down, in case something bad happens. I think it should be located in Oklahoma because Oklahoma is not yet interesting.

When the Cons play a road game they would have to wear those release bracelets that are given to guys in home detention. That way you could keep track of and retrieve any of the players who might be tempted to behave exactly as they have always behaved.

I was having trouble designing a uniform for them until I remembered that the game officials have vertical stripes. The Cons would have horizontal stripes. Black and white for home games, pink and white for road games. The pink and white is a little cruel but hey, they could just as easily be in a real prison.