Forgive and Forget? Yes and No

It is probably the toughest lesson learned. That tricky little f-word called "forgive". There are many misconceptions about it. We often do not offer, or receive, enough of it. It can even sometimes be used against us, or hurt us even more if it is offered too rashly or insincerely.

I have mused on this subject before. More than a few times. Yet there are still aspects of it that plague me, challenge me, and frustrate me. I know it is the greatest gift I can give myself. That is the true essence of forgiveness: it is for me. It heals me. So, what is the rub?

Are we really supposed to forgive and forget? We are told that is what God does. But does He demand that of me?

I am reminded of the Old Testament story of Joseph and his brothers (Genesis 37). Joseph was a haughty little guy, bragging that if his dreams came true, he would one day rule over his brothers. He was definitely the apple of 'ole dad's eye. And his band of brothers was pretty fed up. So, they threw him in a ditch, and then decided they might make a little cash on the side and sold him into slavery.

Fast forward about 20 years and we find a famine in the land (Genesis 41-45). Joseph, through a string of amazing events, has become second only to Pharaoh in Egypt. Being a wise guy, he stockpiles grain and when the famine comes, Egypt is more than ready.

Joseph's brothers head off to Egypt to buy some food. And who should enter stage left? You guessed it. Joseph. How does he respond to the very ones who favored him dead two decades before?

He reveals who he is, drawing them closer. Assuring them they have nothing to fear, offering mercy rather than justice. But here is something I missed in the past. He says to them, "I am Joseph, your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don't be angry with yourselves that you did this to me, for God did it. He sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives." (Genesis 45:4-5)

Did you catch the subtlety in that statement? I am Joseph, your brother whom you sold into Egypt. Had he forgiven them? It would seem so, for he greeted them with weeping (Genesis 45:2). He immediately told them how God had used their evil deed for a greater good ("...don't be angry with yourselves...").