"I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You"

I've been asked, by a close relative to spread the word about a very simple yet powerful phrase "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." This sentence is typically uttered by a female when she is ending a relationship. I doubt if you'll ever here a man say, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"; most men share in the belief that it should be illegal to say, write or communicate in any other form.

Why do women so often end relationships with these vague words? As a woman, I have a few theories. First of all, we may actually feel that way. We care about someone, but do not actually want to be with that someone. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" really seems to get that message across in our minds.

The second theory is that we're trying to avoid hurting the person we're breaking up with. To us, letting someone know that we still care about them is kinder than saying we want to have nothing do to with them. Guilt would be the driving force here. Maybe the guy has a wonderful personality, is successful, sweet and handsome; it's too bad none of those things matter if you're not feeling the chemistry on your end.

I think in many situations we may also fear ending a relationship, despite the fact that we're ready to move into other things. Perhaps in a way saying, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" enables us to make the separation not so permanent or final. Relationships are very complicated, that goes without saying. After you've been in love or simply with a person for any amount of time you'll become attached to them, which also goes without saying. It's difficult to completely sever something you've grown so attached to, hence "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."