My Biggest Secretion

My Biggest Secret

By Joe Dimeck, published Mar 21, 2007
Published Content: 104  Total Views: 78,309  Favorited By: 51 CPs
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I have killed an innumerable amount of people; and not a single one was older than a year in age. In fact, you could say I am a baby killer, but I will never feel the slightest bit of guilt. Nevertheless, I have kept this knowledge locked away in the back of my mind as it is merely more insignificant data-to be honest I have lost count of all those who have perished by my cold, pale hands. Such information cannot be processed properly by most human beings, especially those of faith. My actions are severely frowned upon by many of the "good" books, but not even God can make me regret or even stop this merciless behavior. When the moon relieves the sun, I can be found strangling the life straight from the flesh of man.

Disposing of their bodies can be a messy event, but if the tiny remains are wrapped thoroughly all one has to do is simply toss them in the garbage. The hydraulic mechanism of the garbage truck will crush them to an unrecognizable state, and after thousands of disposals I have yet to be caught. The thought of being discovered is a horrible thing to imagine. Even though I am not alone in my actions I will be exposed as the crestfallen person that I am; that we all are, and the embarrassment would be too much to bear. "Baby Killer! Baby Killer!" I can hear it now. They won't understand, no one will; except those who enjoy rubbing out the lives of infants.

My Biggest Secretion

Hands for Humanity

Credit: Yahoo

Copyright: Yahoo

Comments
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Funny! But now I look at my husband in a concerned way. Is he also a baby killer? :)

Posted on 06/10/2007 at 1:06:00 PM

 
Oh, man. This was laugh out loud funny. Literally. "When the moon relieves the sun, I can be found strangling the life straight from the flesh of man." "...-other than the gloriously crisp mental state that follows..." Too funny.

Posted on 06/02/2007 at 10:06:00 PM

 
you sick, sick man. A very funny one, but a sick one. :) Good job!

Posted on 04/24/2007 at 12:04:00 AM

 
thanks for the laugh.

Posted on 04/12/2007 at 11:04:00 PM

 
Genius.

Posted on 04/03/2007 at 1:04:00 PM

 
I think you have issues. But so do I so right on. :-)

Posted on 04/01/2007 at 7:04:00 PM

 
That was wrong.lol. YOu had me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what had become of you. I was shocked when I read the ending. You are too funny.

Posted on 03/27/2007 at 12:03:00 PM

 
Hah! This was great! I understand completely what you mean, for I too have often had to take matters into my own hands........

Posted on 03/23/2007 at 11:03:00 PM

 
That's hilarious.

Posted on 03/23/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
Joe, I admire your ability to capitalize on the resulting shock of what you write. Also, the incredible number of puns involved in this article would normally be overkill, but somehow, here, they worked. Kudos!

Posted on 03/23/2007 at 12:03:00 AM

 
LOL Hysterical!

Posted on 03/22/2007 at 9:03:00 PM

 
LOL- Great!

Posted on 03/22/2007 at 7:03:00 PM

 
Highlarious. =)

Posted on 03/22/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
"I can be found strangling the life straight from the flesh of man" Way too funny... i had to go back and read it again!

Posted on 03/22/2007 at 1:03:00 PM

 
Ok hilarious. Gross but hilarious. Reminds me of that old Monty Python song in The Meaning of Life-(sing it with me) "Every sperm is saaaacrrred."

Posted on 03/22/2007 at 12:03:00 PM

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