Guide to the Best Bars, Food, Strip Club and Sports Book in Las Vegas

I have a ticket in my hand. I have four buddies who also have tickets. The flights originate in Los Angeles, Oakland and San Diego but they all share the same destination:

Las Vegas, Nevada. As Cotton McKnight says in "Dodgeball: The Movie": "Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra."

That's the place to be when you need to win filthy cash, stuff yourself with the finest foods and libations and party like a rap mogul and you and a group of your cretin friends are just the fools to do it. My crew has been embarking on this trip on an annual basis for the last eight years and a few summer trips thrown in for the hell of it. Amidst the spectacle of all that glitters in Vegas, we've not only had a great time but we've also managed to pocket some money and now it's your turn.

We've got a formula and it's one that has stood up to scrutiny, distraction and skepticism. Follow the keys to our success and soon enough Steve Wynn, Kirk Kerkorian, and Peter Morton will be begging you to come back with the hopes that you'll be handing over your newfound windfall back in their greasy palms. Now it's time to put their joints in your crosshairs. Just do as I say.

The second the wheels of your plane touch down at McCarran Airport in the southern Nevada desert, the odds are already stacked against you. You'll walk into the airport and be greeted by the pleasant and inviting sounds of slot machines (that are all tuned to emit tones in the note of "C"). Bypass that nonsense, get your buddies to pony up $10 or so and get a limo. You're a grown up now. No cabs. Get to your hotel in style. After my following my gaming tips this weekend, you'll be accustomed to a limo. in your room.