How to Succeed as an Adoptive Parent

Drug babies, crying for hours, or boys and girls who faced trauma from living with one family for six months, another family for a year and even packing their bags for another move, scare away many prospective adoptive parents. Many would-be moms and dads are understandably afraid of "baggage" and the chaos it will bring in to their lives. But the agency videos showing cute babies or compliant young children playing with their adoptive families are too endearing to ignore. So the family who wants to adopt will consider their options: my local foster care system, a girl from China, or a child from Eastern Europe, or should I pay $10,000 or more to arrange a private adoption?

DON'T PLAY THE ODDS

We learned about an infant boy in a group home who eventually became our youngest son. But before we took him in, we alerted friends of ours who were much older and we deeply respected. "They'd make great parents," we thought. But they grew fearful about potential future medical problems and severe cases of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). So they played it safe and adopted a son through an arrangement with a birth mother and an adoption attorney.

Their first adoptive son, now in his early 20s, has been in and out of rehabilitation and has blown thousands of dollars on drinking and drugs while living on the streets many different nights. Meanwhile, our son - the one they turned down - is on his way to university with a few scholarships to help cover tuition.

Any route can lead you to a healthy adoptive boy or girl while any route can lead you to a child who struggles with their identity and blames you for adopting them. Do you roll the dice to choose? Be willing instead to develop a strategy and develop an attitude of flexible expectations.

BE A STUDENT OF YOUR CHILD