Living with Manic Depression and OCD

What is OCD? It is an anxiety disorder, where your daily tasks become obsessive. Manic depression is a depressive disorder.

My manic depressive and OCD thoughts are in battle with each other. A life with this constant battle is tormenting the heart of my soul. Too many nights I lie awake in what I call mental pain. The manic depression and the OCD are two disorders fighting for a control of the other.

I am blessed to have these two disorders battling it out within myself. It has made me a better person. With these disorders I have learned more about myself than I would have without them. I never really thought I had OCD. And no I wasn't diagnosed medically. I diagnosed myself. How? The OCD rituals that I complete on a daily basis, I wanted to know why I had to do certain things more than twice in a row.

I searched the net in hopes of an answer to my problems. I came to a conclusion I had OCD, my symptoms and rituals were similar or a perfect match to the symptoms of OCD.

My OCD rituals are quite simple but obsessive. When leaving my home, I check numerous times to make sure all appliances are turned off, nothing is on the heaters (when they are on of course), all candles are blown out.

Those are just a few of the rituals I do. Sounds pretty normal huh? It is but here is the twist. I check each time more than six times in a row, till I feel comfortable or force myself to leave. The number isn't important to me.

How does the manic depression and OCD come into play together? Simple. My manic depression often leaves me feeling lonely and depressed and isolated. For years I have suffered through the tormenting torture of two disorders trying to battle for control.

Despite the depression, I find myself completing each task as if it like eating. OCD is like starving for food. Without the rituals I am starving for the ability to feel I have accomplished something. The OCD leaves me feeling complete and worthy. Manic depression alters my way of thinking. This manic disorder is a black shadow hovering over me.