Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Nothing Special

Rated PG for Some Crude Humor and Mild Language

Now in the theatres: CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2, Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt’s sequel to their 2003 hit. This time the giant family is off to the lake, where they go toe to toe with long time rival Eugene Levy and his almost equally large family. Hi jinx ensue until the group hug at the ending. All that is missing is, we never learn the true meaning of Christmas, but don’t worry, I’m sure DOZEN 3 is already being passed around.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2, but by the same token, there is nothing right with it either. It has added nothing to our world other than giving Piper Perabo work.

As I was waiting for the movie to begin trailers for THE SHAGGY DOG with Tim Allen in the Fred MacMurray’s role and THE PINK PANTHER with Steve Martin in the Peter Seller’s role warned me that 2006 would be another poor year at the box office for the struggling film community, and then I was struck with a brilliant idea. Well, an idea none the less.

Why do they go to the trouble of remaking all these films? Simple. Today’s audience wants today’s stars in their movies. Kid’s today don’t want to know from Fred MacMurray or Peter Sellers (or in the case of CHEAPER, Clifton Webb!). But with the state of art in computers being what it is, why bother remaking the whole film? 

THE BAD NEWS BEARS remake was painfully less funny than the original. Even the writers said they could never hope to get away with the same un-PC humor that the original did, so why bother?

How about this: take the faces of today’s flavors of the month and graft them on the old films with a computer. They can spend millions using the computer to cover up Angelina Jolie’s body art, why not cover-up Clifton Webb’s mug with Steve Martins? Over-dub the soundtrack, add a couple of pop culture references and you’ve got the perfect remake without all the bother of making a new movie (because you really aren’t bothering to make a real movie after all).