Business Communication in Stressful Situations

We've all been there. A snippy email in our inbox has us itching to reply, "Looky here, you big igmo!" (Igmo is, of course a technical term meaning one who lacks both knowledge and the ability to acquire knowledge--ignorant + moron = igmo.) What we really say is, "Dear Sir." Surely the latter was the wiser choice, but is it healthiest for the overall relationship? In some cases I think not. Does this mean I think one should have permission to go around voicing every thought just because one feels like it regardless of the potential impact on others' feelings? Again, no. When dealing with business communicators who are under stress--even if that person is you--there are several important things to remember. First, the personalities aren't the issue; the issue is the issue. There are rules to follow when uncovering the issue. Next, there probably is a common goal. Last, there is a way to sort it out.

Personalities aren't the issue; the issue is the issue.
But wait, you say, the issue is this person's terrible personality. No, the issue may be the person's behavior or it may be, in part, the person's behavior in reaction to the real issue. For example, suppose someone did react poorly to a message they received and did indeed call the sender a big igmo or some other derogatory term. One might argue that the issue is a personality conflict. I would argue their personalities and behavior are perfectly in synch. Both parties acted in an unprofessional manner and it is those actions that are the issue. A root issue triggered that reactionary issue. Managers, even those managing themselves, can't change the underlying feelings, but they can influence behavior.