Helping Your Dating Teen Understand Jealousy and Abuse

Parents with dating teenagers may think that the biggest issues are managing curfew, safety and sex-but teenagers who are dating also have to contend with extreme jealousy and physically and mentally abusive relationships. Some experts estimate that as many as 40% of teenagers will be in a physically abusive relationship during their teen dating years and an even higher percentage of teens will experience a mentally abusive relationship. What can parents do to help guide, support and prepare teenagers for the realities of teen dating?

Parents should have an appreciation and understanding that teens are truly novices at dating. They are so inexperienced with dating and it tends to coincide with a truly volatile developmental stage for teenagers. Both males and females are experiencing identity fluctuations and may be wrestling with low self esteem. This puts them in a prime position for getting involved in an abusive relationship. Additionally, teens don't have the communication skills or life experience to understand how to deal with manipulative, controlling or jealous behavior. In fact, many teens mistakenly think that these behaviors are signs of "true love."

The most important thing parents can do is to be aware and to keep the lines of communication open. Parents need to model healthy relationships and provide gentle and obvious guidance around what is healthy and appropriate ways to show love and devotion in adult relationships. It can seem as though teens are not paying attention, or interested in anything that parents have to show or teach-but kids will see and learn what is healthy and acceptable and what is not.