Blah Again

yet another whoa is me facade
and then a yes, I can do it parade
the cycle's revolting
nonstop regrowth and molting
over and over again
I retreat, to my futile den
out of hibernation
I seek a satisfying sensation
face value changing
never ending revelation
but I have no salutation
just obsessive rearranging
I shuffle the who, the what, where and the how
but this time I curtsy instead of a bow
the why is what gets me
the why am I lonely
the why am I lazy
the why am I only
the why I am crazy
the why I can never
end these things
when I try to allow
new beginnings
perhaps someday maybe
when I no longer hate me