How to Spoil Your Child

Sometimes, I think my kids are spoiled. Then, I meet other people's kids, and I am grateful mine aren't any more spoiled than they are. Being a person who observes, I want to let you know how you can spoil your kids and make them into complete brats. Call Supernanny!

1. If you are in a store, and your child wants something, by all means, buy it!!! It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter if it will be lost before you even get to the car. It doesn't matter it will make a mess everywhere, or be loud, or isn't even appropriate for their age. BUY IT! If they look like Britney Spears at age eight, all the better! Your child simply MUST have everything their little heart desires. By NO MEANS must you say no, but if you DO say no, be sure to go back on it. Work overtime and use lots of credit cards to get them whatever they want. They are worth it!

2. Get your child a cell phone when they are five. No, they don't need one. They are always with you. They want one, and they want to be seen on one. When they are in a movie theater, they need something to play games on. They need to call you from another room just because it's fun. They need to call other five year olds and plan how they are going to annoy the teacher at school tomorrow. Make sure it is a really expensive cell phone, too. Any self-respecting five year old wouldn't be caught dead with a pre-paid cheapie!

3. Let them argue with you. Debating is good! It will give them fine lawyer skills! Make sure no matter what you say, they argue about it. When you tell them it's not up for discussion, let them argue some more. If they tell you that you are a bad mommy or daddy, be sure to give in. You don't want to scar little precious for life.

4. Don't make them do chores!!! OH MY GOSH! What is wrong with you?! Do everything FOR them!!! JEEZ! Make sure you pick up their messes, clean up after them, and cook them three meals a day. Don't let them do any of that! Sure, they are capable of doing it themselves, after all, they were capable of MAKING the mess, but making them do chores just borders on child slave labor! Just do it all while they sit on their behinds in front of the tv. Their future spouses will thank you for it.