What Every Parent Ought to Know About Possessive Behavior and Sharing in the Toddler

Early on the toddler learns the concepts of possession and sharing, and exhibits both behaviors.

It is not possible to teach a toddler sharing without also teaching the concepts of ownership and possession, or engaging in, possessive behavior. At its very core the idea of sharing implies ownership. A toddler on some level, understands this, even if we as parents are a little slow to reach this conclusion.

Avoiding the Dreaded Possessive Behavior and the Word "Mine"

One word you will not here in our household is "mine." Yet, it seems that no matter how hard parents may try to teach sharing, we also inadvertently teach the concept of possession. Sharing and possession are are intricately linked.

There are certain items in a house that toddlers should not play with, for safety reasons. Parents will not share these items. There are many more items they will also not be able to touch because they are expensive or breakable, or they simply belong to someone else, like a sibling. Again, these are items that the toddler will learn are not for sharing.

When our toddler takes something or attempts to take something that does belong to him, we do not say, "No, it's mine." Instead we try to be specific with him. If he tries to reach for mommy's laptop he is told, "No, that's mama's."

Or, when his little hands try to get the remote control, he hears. "That's dada's."

We even gave him an old cell phone and told him it was "Alex's."

He understands that these items belong to someone else, and that they are not for sharing.

We use the same technique when he tries to grab for an item that belongs to his brother or sister.

The result so far is that he has not even hear the word "mine." This may change as he and the other children in his play group age and develop their language skills. For now, he understands that certain items belong to certain family members. He also knows which items are his.

We have also taught him which items can be shared. We share toys, books, blankets, chairs, and many other household items.