How Not to Learn a Second Language

For almost as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by people who spoke languages besides English. I've bought Hebrew and Thai translating dictionaries for the sheer entertainment value, even though I had no interest in actually learning those languages. I've bought childrens' books in French and Spanish, because I thought it was cool.

Aside from simply collecting these things, there has been a sort of method to my madness. I've wanted to be able to speak at least two languages for years. Unfortunately, I haven't achieved anything near fluency yet, in any language, despite having taken several years of Spanish in school.

One of these days, I hope to achieve my goal and be able to speak at least three languages besides English (Spanish, French & Italian). I thought I might share some of my tips on the various mistakes I've made and how you can possibly avoid them.

If you don't want to become bilingual, you should:

1.) Take a traditional language course. Memorizing seemingly random vocabulary words like 'las ropas' is fun when you can't construct a valid sentence with it!

2.) Don't bother practicing. You'll learn by osmosis from the books as they sit on your desk. Stare at them for awhile. Don't you feel smarter already?

3.) Don't look for someone who speaks your target language. Your accent is fine and it's perfectly acceptable to string words together that way.

4.) When you go to your local library, don't bother checking out what they have. Who cares if it's free, you're better off buying your own.

On the other hand, here are some tips that I've discovered that you should do if you want to learn another language:

1.) Look for a 'Pimsleur' course in your target language at your local library. These are very expensive, at $200 per level, but they get away with it because it works so well. People that successfully listen to all 90 lessons (30 per level) are supposed to achieve near fluency when speaking the other language.