Infertility and Secondary Infertiltiy: the Role an Extended Family Can Play

It has been said that one in four couples will suffer the effects of infertility. To make this personal, in a set of four siblings, one of the four will have difficulties conceiving. Not only is this phenomenon difficult for those going through the testing and treatments, it is also difficult for the family watching their loved one suffer. Many times, while good intentions are at heart, these family members only manage to make matters worse.

If someone in your family suffers from the effects of infertility, I caution you to choose your words wisely. While delivered with good intentions, these top ten phrases every infertile couple hates to hear can be devastating to their emotional state as well as the relationship with the family member who delivered these one-liners:

1. When are you going to give me a grand-baby?

2. Have you tried standing on your head after you and Jack get frisky?

3. Have you been to the doctor yet?

4. It will happen when it happens.

5. Stop worrying; maybe it isn't your time yet.

6. Can't you just focus on being an aunt to your sister's kids?

7. Have you thought about adoption?

8. Stop trying so hard.

9. Guess what! I'm Pregnant! You are going to be an Aunt!

10. They say the quickest way to get pregnant is to start filling out adoption paperwork!

I also caution you to treat the situation with respect. While it is not necessary to walk on egg shells around the infertile couple, there are several things that can be done to make life easier.

Stop asking how it is going. As tempting as it may be, please do not ask for a play-by-play of the couple's sex life. While going through the infertility process, few things are left private. Doctors and nurses ask about every aspect of your sex life. Modesty flies out the window as you bear all for each doctor's appointment. And finally, sex loses its appeal with each other as you discuss rising temperature trends, medications, and the exact time you have to do the dead. The last thing this couple needs is for this to become the topic of conversation at Thanksgiving dinner.