Competitive Eating

The Budding Sport of Binge-Eating

Ever since curling found its way into the Olympics, our concept of sport has so devolved that ESPN is now televising darts. Call me old-fashioned, but when I turn on ESPN and people are throwing darts, they had better be aiming at each other.

Where could they possibly go from here? Steam room endurance? Tiddlywinks? ...

Answer: competitive eating.

ESPN now broadcasts four gorge-a-thons, including Nathan's International Hot Dog Eating Contest, which I recently watched with keen interest ... beside my barf bag.

Nathan's is sanctioned by the International Federation of Competitive Eating (no, seriously), which also handles, among other things, crab cake, baked beans, butter-just-butter, spam, tiramisu, and -- brace yourself, PETA -- cow brains.

At least with cow brains you know what you're getting. Scientists still don't understand what holds together a hot dog. Right now they are focusing on a reaction between shoe polish and tripe.

Of course, one cannot talk hot dogs without mentioning undisputed champion of the world, Japan's greatest pride outside of Mount Fuji, Takeru "The Tsunami" ... Kobayashi.

In terms of consecutive world titles, you've got Lance Armstrong, Martina Navratilova, the '59-'66 Boston Celtics, and Takeru Kobayashi, who not only wins every year but often laps the competition (and by that I mean lifts them up with his tongue).

Yet Koby could pass as a wrestler: stony biceps, trim waist, that orange-blonde hair that looks so natural on Japanese men. Certainly this wasn't the record-holder for hot dogs, lobster rolls, hamburgers, bratwurst, and rice balls.

IFOCE president George Shea, who promotes his events the old-fashioned way -- in a straw hat -- stomached my questions.

"We're seeing a changing of the guard," he said. "The older, heavier eater is being replaced by athletes like Koby."

Enter femme phenom Sonya Thomas, who, for her Tinkerbell physique, has outscarfed 300-pound men to win titles in tacos, ravioli, chicken nuggets, jambalaya, and pulled pork sandwiches.