Things Not to Think About This Easter

Jesus and the Easter Egg

Easter is coming upon us once again, and this is when we remember to commemorate our Lord Jesus and his last message to one and all who wish to remember this event each year:

-Every Spring, you must pack cheap candies into hollowed-out eggs.
-Children must paint these eggs, then scatter them in the backyard.
-The more festive disciples can carry pastel-colored baskets. And skip.

The more alert of you can now probably derive the following corollary: Chocolate eggs are best left indoors, while chocolate bunnies are shared by letting the grownups bite off the ears in private

What does this all mean? It is quite very plain, you see: After the death and crucifixion of Jesus Christ (legal son of Mr. and Mrs. Christ, but nobody can find the paper work), he was laid to rest in a tomb. Several days later, his friends and relatives re-opened the tomb because-- well, I'm not exactly sure, maybe they just missed him to an unhealthy degree, or they could never get his water-to-wine recipe quite right (I have friends today who would do anything for that little secret!).
Only Jesus' clothes could be found. You think it would be easy to spot a tall, resurrected, naked man walking around, since there were a lot less people back in those days. But no, they probably walked right past him as he was waving his arms, yelling, "Over here, guys! Someone get me some pants! ".

The only living thing anyone found was a white rabbit running away. And then it laid some batik-patterned eggs. This is symbolic of the, um, elusiveness of the, er, spiritual awakening of the hopping-awayness of our rebirth, and we have to have pants on to transform eggs into candy. For the children. And the grownups, but only when nobody is looking. See? Simple!

Another thing that always baffled me for a long time was learning that Jesus lived to be 33 years old. According to tradition, he was born on Christmas, which is a great coincidence for those of us who can't celebrate it any other time of year.