Refusing an Unwanted Marriage Proposal

How Not to Break His Heart

For the most part, women have been contemplating their wedding day since they were little girls of five and six. They wonder what dress they will wear, what food will be served, how handsome their groom will look in his tux, and how beautiful their hair will be done. Pesky details like dating and serious relationships don’t enter their minds until they graduate high school, or maybe even later.

We all know that every relationship isn’t destined for marriage; in fact, we often know right off whether it will last or not, and we typically trust our gut when it comes to matters of the heart. But what happens when we aren’t on the same page with our current significant other?

No woman wants to talk about marriage with her sweetheart; they prefer to be surprised when he finally decides to pop the question. Men are aware of this little game that we play, and they are hard pressed to know the difference between coy waiting games and true disinterest. If we’re sending them the wrong signals, or unknowingly leading them on, then they certainly can’t be blamed for asking an uninterested woman for her hand in marriage. So how do we handle the situation?

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there are ways to quietly and unobtrusively turn him down without causing a major scene or ripping his heart out through his chest. The bad news is that the situation will be uncomfortable, and there isn’t much you can do about it.

In the ideal situation, you will see it coming before it happens: a jewelry store brochure in his jacket pocket, a lovesick tilt to his grin, special dinner plans, or finding the ring in his sock drawer. I’m not advocating your snooping around his private things, but if you happen upon valuable information, you should use it to your advantage.

If you have no forewarning, however, and he pops the question out of the blue, there is no effective way to immediately diffuse the bomb. If you are in private, it will be easier to handle; if you are out in public, the solution is a little more complicated.

Firstly, here are the things you should not do: