Surviving Your Baby's Separation Anxiety

What is “separation anxiety;” that dreaded stage every infant goes through? Is it necessary for every child to pass through this phase? And what can a parent do to make it easier on all concerned?

Separation anxiety is a developmental phase infants go through in which they display distress when not in the presence on their main caregiver, let’s say, their mother. This period is often most pronounced from ten to eighteen months. By the end of the second year the child’s separation anxiety usually begins to fade.

A mother may first notice her child becoming more needy as the child reaches out and holds on to the mother more than in the past. When you are out of sight, your child will know you are somewhere nearby, however, your not being with the child will result in her great distress.

Experts believe infants enter this period of separation anxiety for reasons including infants not having a sense of time. The infant cannot differentiate whether a mother is gone for one minute or an hour or a day; all the infant knows is that her mother is not with her. Later on, often after eighteen to twenty four months, the infant is able to soothe herself with memories of being with her mother and the knowledge that her mother will return.

This is not an easy time for a parent. There are many wonderful moments as your child hugs you and needs you in ways you may never experience again. At other times, the child’s unquenchable needs may be suffocating. Also, it is difficult for a parent not to feel guilty as she listens to the heartbreaking screaming of her child being left with a babysitter or in daycare.

Suggestions to ease some of the discomfort for baby and parents during this period include preparing for your separations from your child. It has been observed that separation anxiety is more intense with a child who is hungry, tired or ill. So when you are scheduling your day, try to leave your child after she has napped and been fed. And if your child is ill, try and stay with her as much as possible.