Marriage: Dating Your Spouse Helps Keep the Fires Burning

The stresses and responsibilities of marriage can overpower the pleasure of dating your spouse. Days seem too short. Demands of jobs and children seem too long. The "perfect" person, joined to you through marriage, turns out to have flaws, just like everybody else. Loving communication may turn to criticism, name-calling, resentments, and a deadly silence. The result? The sparkle of marriage fizzles. Dating your spouse becomes one more chore in an already over-booked day.

Often times, the love is still there, but the marriage becomes weak from lack of attention. Dating your spouse is one strategy that provides the time needed to strengthen a hurting marriage. Do you recall what worked in your courtship? Start there. The rituals that drew you together before marriage can be effectively used after marriage, especially when dating your spouse.

Here are some hints for dating your spouse:

PRACTICE POSITIVE COMMUNICATION THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

Remember the days before marriage, when you talked for hours and listened to every word your intended had to say? Remember how he or she listened to you, as well, and made you feel like you were the most important person in the world? Remember the simple joy of sharing ideas with one another? Marriage partners want nothing less. According to Diana Milne, Regional Human Development Specialist at University of Missouri Extension Service, certain behaviors foster positive communication in marriage and make dating your spouse more satisfying. Showing affection, listening attentively, being playful, and taking joy in one another's achievements are a few examples. Others include exhibiting empathy, acceptance, and respect. Practicing loving communication with your spouse makes every area of marriage better, including time spent dating your spouse.

MAINTAIN DAILY MARRIAGE "RITUALS" WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Marriage partners sometimes fail to connect on a daily basis, which makes it difficult to connect when dating your spouse. Joyce Fittro, OSU Extension Agent, gives suggestions for keeping love alive in a marriage: