Codependency Defined

Often the definition of codependency is misunderstood. It is not the feeling of needing another person or being dependent upon someone in the traditional sense; codependency, most easily stated, is a need to be needed. Often it is a nearly obsessive need. Codependent people are most often found in relationships with alcoholics and addicts, and frequently they either become codependent while in this situation or they show the signs of being a codependent in this scenario.

When in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict, a codependent will try to control the situation they are in; these people "fix" the problems of the alcoholic, often compensating for financial losses, lying for the addict to their bosses or to cover up for obligations not met. They take on the full brunt of running the household and creating a "normal" feel to a most abnormal scenario. "Everything is fine here," says the codependent.

The codependent is often depressed an anxious. They are found functioning in adult life reflective of the behavior they might have learned in a dysfunctional family unit as a child. Sometimes they are "adult children" of alcoholics and addicts that may or may not be addicts themselves.

The codependent is the ultimate control freak. They put their energy in trying to control things they cannot; mainly they try to control the actions and behaviors of another person. Codependent people are caretakers. They do not have healthy boundaries nor can they function with a person who does. Each relationship is going to be a failure.

Are you a codependent? Do you not know where to turn for help? First of all, try to discern whether your problem came from childhood issues or relationship issues; have you been involved with an alcoholic or addict? Even if it was someone not in your immediate family or even if it was a friend, you are still welcome in the Alanon family. Alanon is a twelve step program for friends and family of alcoholics or addicts. Getting involved with this group will be your best hope for recovery from codependency.