How to Apologize in Four Easy Steps

Learn How to Make Amends the Right Way

We've all done it at some point - something for which we have hurt someone else or have wronged someone in some way - something for which we feel compelled to apologize. We're human, most of us, and as a fallible human being, we have all made mistakes.

Some will tell you the true measure of a person is not in the number of mistakes they make, but rather in the way they handle those mistakes once made. That's where apologies come into the picture. However, most people don't know how to apologize properly and by the same token, many don't know how to properly accept an apology once given.

We'll discuss how to accept an apology in a later article, but for now, let's take a look at how to apologize in four easy steps.

When you have wronged someone in some way, intentionally or not, and you would like to repair the wrong done to them or at least repair the rift in the relationship that the wrong caused, an apology is usually one of the first steps in the process of righting that wrong.

Before you can apologize though, you must know what it is for which you should apologize. Not only should you know what you are apologizing for, but the person to whom you extend your apology should know too.

That's why the first step in how to apologize is to identify the behavior or the wrong that was done. This step you do for yourself, internally. You must discover what you did that caused the rift, and then you can reach out to the person to whom you have in some way wronged or offended and extend the apology to them.

So the first step in how to apologize is: Identify the behavior for which you will offer an apology.

Have you ever had someone give a backhanded apology? You know, the type where they are apologizing, but you're not quite sure for what they are apologizing?
For example, someone can apologize for hurting your feelings, but not actually apologize for the action which hurt your feelings.

Is there a difference? Sure there is.

For example, you stay out late one night and don't bother to call and tell your wife / husband / parent / significant other / etc that you're going to be late. When you come home, that other person is upset with you for not having called.