What They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy and Childbirth

Is pregnancy and childbirth a beautiful and euphoric experience? The simple answer is usually 'yes'. The real answer is 'sometimes'. Here are a few things you may have heard about from friends or even your doctor on the subject. I'll do my best to translate this interesting time by telling you what they really mean.

1. What they say:

You might feel pressure on your bladder and/or feel the need to urinate more frequently while pregnant.

What that means:

You will most likely wet yourself on one or more occasions such as coughing, sneezing or laughing. Luckily, this occurrence is usually reserved for the latter months of pregnancy.

2. What they say:

You might have mood swings or feel irrational or irritable at times in early and late pregnancy.

What that means:

At various times, somewhere between your 1^st and 9^th month of pregnancy, you will probably convince yourself that your husbands/partners and men in general are the devil. Only the devil would torment you by forgetting the fries when he picks up the hamburgers. Of course, your partner may not understand the complexities of this phenomenon, which in turn will cause you guilt for thinking such thoughts. The guilt then reinforces the initial belief that they're out to get you. What's so irrational about that?

3. What they say:

Your delivery time has arrived and you enter the hospital in labor ready for childbirth. You will be randomly checked to see how far dilated you are.

What that means:

What the doctors don't specify is that you will see a pattern around the tenth hour of labor. There is no 'random' about it. You will be checked for dilation only during contractions. Since many doctors are still men, see number 2 above.

4. What they say:

What you see in the childbirth reenactment videos sometimes given to expected parents will give you a realistic view of your beautiful birthing experience, marred only by a slightly perspiring mother smiling tremulously at the father who is gently dabbing her damp forehead.

What that means: