The Opposite of Advice, Part Deux

Once again, we return to the advice given only in bizarro world. That's right, you emailed me helpful hints for living, and I made up the questions I just knew they corresponded to. For example:

Q: I've been writing a novel for the past three years, and I've just gotten stuck. My protagonist just got fired, and I'm torn between two scenarios: Either I want him to have invested wisely, and to be able to retire early (making the firing the best thing to happen to him); or, I want him take out a school bus full of 5-year-olds out of frustration with his lot in life. I'm afraid this latter scenario is going to make him less likeable to the average reader. What do you think?
A: A person's character isn't measured by how well they plan for things to go right, but by how well they handle them when they go wrong.

Q: I've heard people saying lately that they think I have a drinking problem. I woke up in a bus station restroom last week in a pile of what I hope was my own sick...I'm starting to think they were all right all along. My schedule is chock full right now, what with Easter masses coming up, and I just can't get away from the convent for long enough to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Can you go for me and tell me what they say?

A: The three keys to life are simple...1. acceptance of the things we CANNOT change...2.the courage to change the things we CAN...3.the wisdom to know the difference. all things can be solved with this.

Q: My husband is obsessed with the Lord of the Rings. Specifically, he thinks that he can turn objects from around the house into the Elven gifts given to the Fellowship of the Ring. I can't seem to walk into a dark room without stumbling on him holding one of our wine glasses, hoping it will light his way. Worse yet, he routinely covers himself with a blanket whenever I need his help taking out the trash or putting the kids to bed, thinking it will make him appear to be a rock. Having a sense of play is one thing, but I'm afraid this obsession with being a rock is bordering on the pathological. How can I let him know how unacceptable this behavior is, and encourage him to seek the help he so direly needs?