Tripping the Light Fantastic
david henry sterry
- Published Content: 19
- Total Views: 13,913
- Favorited By: 4 CPs
When I'm 16 I'm shipped away to Boarding School for my sins. The school is full of bright, gifted, spindled, folded, and mutilated teenagers, almost all of whom have been kicked out of at least 1, if not several, other institutions of learning. Binky draws amazingly intricate landscapes full of gnom 
es, raptors, damsels in distress, satyrs, pixies, angels and devils, like a twisted bastard child of Bosch and R. Crumb. And in his spare time he's slowly filling an industrial size jar with his sperm, 1 squirt at a time. It's an impressive collection. If you're into that sort of thing. Popo has one of the most exquisite singing voices you have ever heard, can make a hardened, jaded, cynical, hormone-laced 16 year old weep like a baby. I also heard he would pay you $5 if you'd take a leak on him. I cannot substantiate this, because Popo got kicked out for smoking thai sticks dipped in liquid horse tranquilizer before I could ask him if the rumor was true. Another kid almost got kicked out for hitchhiking all over New England one weekend drunk out of his mind on tequila, wacked on psylicibon mushrooms, with a very reputable socialite from a famous all-girl's school. That was me. I fit right in at Boarding School.
We have the worst hockey team in the history of the league. Our first game we get beat 31-1. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to let in 31 goals in 30 minutes? Any way you do the math, that's over a goal a minute. It'd be hard to score that many goals if you just put one team out there with a puck and an empty net and said, "Do your worst." I am the second best player on the team and I only played hockey for a year when I was 11. I'm a defenseman and I get a sprained neck from watching all those goals whip past me. The best player on the team is Joe Skyfeather. We call him Joe Starfucker, and he likes that. He's our goalie. A great goalie. After a game he's one huge Iriquois welt. He says if he wasn't a hopeless Indian drunk already, he'd have to start drinking heavily. The one good thing about losing 31-1 is that when you score that 1 goal, you celebrate hard.
We have the worst hockey team in the history of the league. Our first game we get beat 31-1. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to let in 31 goals in 30 minutes? Any way you do the math, that's over a goal a minute. It'd be hard to score that many goals if you just put one team out there with a puck and an empty net and said, "Do your worst." I am the second best player on the team and I only played hockey for a year when I was 11. I'm a defenseman and I get a sprained neck from watching all those goals whip past me. The best player on the team is Joe Skyfeather. We call him Joe Starfucker, and he likes that. He's our goalie. A great goalie. After a game he's one huge Iriquois welt. He says if he wasn't a hopeless Indian drunk already, he'd have to start drinking heavily. The one good thing about losing 31-1 is that when you score that 1 goal, you celebrate hard.