Spousal Rape: A Woman's Secret Shame

.There are thousands of women in our country that carry a deep dark burden of secret shame. It has a name-spousal rape. Many women are unaware that what they endure, often multiple times a day, is in fact a crime. Even those that know what it is, won't report it because of the difficulties in being taken seriously, and often the threat of losing their homes, children and maybe their lives, preclude reporting it. Instead they may diffidently at first broach the subject with other women, or joke about their husbands always wanting "it" It isn't a joke. No means no. A woman has the right to say no and have that respected.

Rape is not about wanting or love or passion, it is about control. Rapists dehumanize their victims, and spouses can be more savage than the better known type of rapist. What type of man rapes his wife? What makes him tick? First and foremost these men are very egocentric. Their needs and wants are the most important thing in the world to them. When made uncomfortable by denial of any sort, they tend to overreact by shouting, punching walls or-raping. They consider marriage an automatic entitlement to sex on demand. Always on their terms of course. In fact, if a woman becomes too sexually aggressive with a man like this, it often deflates him, and he is unable to perform.

There are several different ways a man may abuse his wife's body. If she is tired or ill, he may wait until she is asleep and simply take what he feels he deserves to take. Or he may bully, harass and demean his wife into giving in, threatening her with seeking "it" elsewhere. He can use tactics such as debasing her self-esteem, telling her she is little more than an appliance to him, or worse. These men are not only extremely dysfunctional and selfish, they can be dangerous. When angered beyond reason, they may in fact, rape their wives as brutally as anyone sitting in prison for the same crime.