Parents' Guide to Pretending to Listen to Their Kids

Kids talk a lot. Kids clamor almost constantly for their parents' undivided attention. What a lot of kids talk about, however, is just plain boring. What parent wants to hear their child's verbatim account of the latest cartoon? What parent wants to listen to the dissertation on playground politics?

But not listening to your kids is worse. Ignoring them, first of all, may be damaging to their psyche. Listening to kids with damaged psyches is more annoying than listening to kids with healthy psyches. Not listening also makes them talk louder.

So, what is the solution? Parents must learn how to pretend to listen to their kids.

Why You Must Pretend to Listen to Kids

Kids need attention. It bolsters their self-esteem and makes them believe that their ideas and opinions are important. These are very good things to give to your children. Listening to your kids actually increases their independence in some cases. They feel that they are a more important part of the family and thus feel more confident about their own decisions.

Emotion, Inflection, and Response

The most important thing to do when pretending to listen to your kids is to learn to notice emotion and inflection in their voices. Without actually listening to the words they are saying, you should be able to determine if they are sad, happy, proud, or angry.

Once you can easily figure out what emotion they are experiencing, you should be able to respond with an appropriate inflection to your tone. If you hear angry, your noncommittal response should be given in a tone of understanding. If they sound sad, you should pull out that understanding tone again, but add a bit of cheer to the end. If they sound happy, mimic their happiness.

A good rule of thumb is to reflect back to your kid whatever emotion they are currently displaying.

What to Do If You Are Caught Pretending