Popularity 101: An Easy Game to Master

I can say with almost absolute certainty that neither of your parents were popular in high school. They may refute this assumption with their nostalgic yearbook full of signatures from dumb-ass preppy kids or even pictures of them being voted "most popular" but rest assured, this is all bullshit. I know this because no one knows the true meaning of popularity" like I do. Who wants to be popular when you can be a bad-ass

Many of you mindless dolts believe that popularity simply involves being on everyone's good side and name recognition. This is only half of the truth because for those seeking "true" popularity, there is always another imbecile trying to reach the top. In other words, competition is a word you will forever be familiar with. Achieving ultimate bad-assery is no easy task but with these five easy steps, it should be no problem.

1) Don't take shit from anybody and yes, that even includes your parents. If they tell you to do the dishes, pretend you are going to do them by starting the water and pouring some soap into the sink but when they least expect it, throw some soap water into their eyes. Not only will it burn but it will also cause them to think twice about ever asking you to ever do anything again.

2) Whenever you go to heavily-crowded areas such as a mall or even a zoo, get an entourage of at least ten people. If you must, the bare minimum is five. Hell, pay some people to stand by you if you have to but the key is to have a group of people standing by you at all times. This makes you appear important, official, and worthy of notice. The simple fact that people notice you will cause a slight increase in your popularity meter.