An Epidemic of Gratitude

Our world is awash in gratitude. Statistics on the incidence of thanks-giving reveal an unrelenting upward trend, and projections for the future are that gratitude will be out of control by the year 2050. Selfless bureaucrats are working feverishly to draft regulations to alleviate the anticipated glut of appreciation, but the outlook is not good.

The problem is particularly acute in the broadcasting industry: Television networks have had to cut back regular programming drastically to accommodate their rapidly multiplying special awards celebrations. The situation has reached crisis proportions, with the vast majority of awards presented at any televised gala going to the producers and cast of other awards programs. But the capacity of the American viewing public for recognizing and rewarding achievement appears inexhaustible, and the problem is compounded by the irrepressible humility of recipients, who insist upon sharing credit for their achievements "with all those people, big and small, who have made this evening possible."

This generous gesture is repeated again and again during the course of the three-hours-plus needed to complete the typical awards extravaganza. We see it played out during presentations of the Academy Awards, the Golden Globe Awards, the People's Choice Awards, the Emmys, the Grammys, and the Country Music Awards "live from the Grand Ole Opry." My producer, my director, my acting coach, my agent, my parents, my fans, my continuum of consorts, my therapist -- endless is the list of beautiful people and geniuses who deserve to be thanked because "they believed in me."