Effects of Grief in Children

Dealing with Their Loss

When a family member dies children react differently than adults. Children are usually not accepting and see death as temporary and reversible. They watch television programs where there heroes come back to life. Children older than 5 will start thinking more like adults, about reality and death. My husband died recently and our grandchildren still talk about him as if he went on vacation, and will be back later. They believe he will walk through the door any minute. Even though they knew "Pa Pa" was very ill before he died.

What makes it harder on the children is when the other family members are going through their grief and sorrow. The children see them, and can't fully understand what is going on. People need to know what is normal in a Childs behavior and what is not. It is normal following the weeks after the death for a child to believe the person is coming home. It is not normal in the long-term to not except death; it makes for a mentally unhealthy child.

Children should not be forced to go to a funeral if they are not ready or willing. There is other ways to tribute their loved one like burning a candle, planting a tree, or telling a story. Everyone grieves in their own way, including children and it takes time. When they are ready you will be able to see it in them some children don't necessarily talk about their feelings, it may take time for them to get over their loss.

Death is scary to some children and you should find ways to make things easier for them. Looking at family photos and storytelling are good ideas with small children. It seemed to help our 3 year old grandson feel better, even though he doesn't understand.

Surviving adults should understand how the children in the family are feeling and be patient, as they may act out a lot in the beginning. With grief there is going to be changes. When children start to accept things their feeling will be turning off and on a lot, it's the only way they know how to cope.