Confessions of a New Mom

I'm the first-time mom of a now 5-week-old baby boy. And although being a mother is delightful and one of the most powerful things I've ever experienced, I have some less than favorable confessions to make.

1. I don't get up at night to change the baby. No way! Never have, never will! That's my husband's job. After all, if I have to wake up to feed the baby, who isn't bottle-fed, then hubby can surely change his child. Besides, the boy farts like a grown man, so who better to change him than the grown man who created him!

2. I don't get up to feed the baby. Baby sleeps in our room. So, when he cries, I just roll over, pick him up, position him properly, and assume my role as his own personal milk dispenser. It's much easier--and cheaper!--than getting up at the wee hours of the morning to mix, heat, and feed him a bottle of formula. Plus, does anyone really know what's in that stuff? I don't, and frankly, I don't want to either.

3. I don't slave over a hot stove. Can anyone say, "Crock pot!" The thing is my best friend, after hubby, that is. I just throw the food in it in the morning, and by dinnertime all I have to do is serve it. I have tremendous respect for any mom who can cook a full-course meal, too, but I also accept the limitation that I'm not one. And my crock pot meals taste just as good!

4. Baby enjoys the computer. He watches the screen when my husband plays games, and even likes the screensaver. It's a little unconventional, I know. But hey, whatever works to keep him entertained so I can get a nap is fine with me!

5. I've let myself go. Yes, that's right. I just don't matter anymore. I used to shower more often, brush my teeth faithfully 3 times a day, get up and go to bed like clockwork, and get all my work done before the deadline. But now I have a new master: Aaron, my little 5-week-old, smart-as-a-whip tyrant! Baby comes first, and I'm afraid he always will!

6. Now, brace yourself for the most horrible, secret, contradictory confession of all . . .