Living with Agoraphobia

April 20, 2007 by
Kelly Spies  
Kelly Spies
Kelly Spies
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Agoraphobia  |  Camping with Kids  |  Panic Attack Tips  |  Living Simply

Getting Around is Not Easy

I have been confined to my house for around six years now. If I was able to leave the house I can't say that I would want to. I'm not so confined that I can't physically leave the house because anytime I wish I can walk out the door. I am not a prisoner in the way most people perceive it
 to be. There are no court orders holding me here, I don't have one of those electronic tracking ankle bracelets. I don't have a husband who is keeping me locked up; I just can't bear to go out. I'm a closet agoraphobic.

Every morning five times a week, at precisely 7:30 I leave the house and return safely most days no later than 7:45. Exactly half an hour later at 8:00 I once again leave the house and return at 8:20. Two down, one to go; at 2:17 I exit the house and arrive home at 2:35. I'm done for the day. Sounds like a bus schedule doesn't it? In reality that is what it is. I drop my daughter off at school, then my son. That leaves me with one last trip to pick up my daughter later in the day; my son walks home in the afternoons. This is a routine for me every day and it takes a lot of gearing up to accomplish those three trips five times a week. Some days no matter how much I've mentally prepared myself to leave the house it's extremely hard and I just have to force myself to do it.

On days that require me to leave the house to run errands I start feeling the panic as soon as I'm out of bed. Normally I don't have a lot of errands. All my banking and financial responsibilities are taken care of right over the internet so there's no need to drop off bill payments and such. Pretty much my errands consist of grocery shopping, running the kids around and maybe making a deposit at the bank; once in a while I have to run by the pet store or do some other odd ball chore. It takes me longer on those days to actually make it out the door, often times I don't end up running my errands until the very last minute.

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Kelly, I want to let you know that your article was very helpfl. I'am 19, and have been diagnoised since I was 16, I also have bipolar, and post traumatic stress disorder. I always feel alone with this disorder, even though i'm not. But you described me prity well. Thankyou
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Posted on 06/14/2009 at 7:06:58 AM

hi everyone, i am a 21 year old female the united states army, i have had this condition since i was about 13, i don't know where it stemmed from,i love the army, i can't see myself doing anything else but i fear that i will not be able to re-enlist because of this condition, any thoughts on this please let me know, thank you and god blessss.
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Posted on 04/02/2009 at 6:04:07 AM

I know how you feel. I can't call people on the phone or make appointments without anxiety. I'm fine if I go somewhere with my husband but I have a hard time going anywhere without him. I loved reading your article.
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Posted on 03/08/2009 at 8:03:32 PM

So when i decided to quit Alcohol i have developed severe agoraphobia,probably because i have use alcohol for so many years as a "cane" and a safety crutch.Today,after 8 months on medication and 3 months on C.B.T i am feeling a new person and i would like to tell you that there is hope for us.These were the steps i took for my recovery. 1-Understanding my Ilness(through the books of an Australian Doctor named CLAIRE WEEKES) 2-Taking the meds prescribed by my psichiatrist(Klonopin and Paxill) 3-Learning and APLYING the CBT skills learned from my psichologist 4-Changing my diet(QUIT caffeine,Sugars,Junk food etc and add lots of vegetable,fruits and lean meat) 5-Taking a multi vitamin tablets along with B6 and B complex and Magnesium 6- Exercicing(aerobics preferably)1 hour daily, 5 days a week. Other books i strongly recommend are: Master of your panic and anxiety(David Barlow) Panic attacks workbook(David Carbonnel)Freedom from Agoraphobia(Mark Eisenstadt) and When panic attacks(David
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Posted on 09/07/2008 at 9:09:31 AM

Kelly, I am a 38 years old Brazilian male who has been living in the U.S.A for 11 years now.I have suffered from Panic Disorder since 1986,when i was only 16 years old and i will turn 39 in November!In Brazil,in the 80's not too many doctors knew about this condition and i have refused to seek professional help for over 20 years.When i flew from Brazil to the U.S.A,I had to get and kept myself drunk through all the 8 hours flight,i drank 16 beers in the plane to make it here!!I had inumerous panic attacks and allways reacted to them with intense fear and tension and i ended up in the hospitals emergency rooms several times,sure i was going to die of a heart attack.In one ocasion i reached the hospital with my heart beating at 200 beats a minute,it was very scared!!I have never developed Agoraphobia,maybe because i kept trying to control my panic symptoms drinking alcohol for all this time,until the end of 2006 when i was a wreck(Alcoholic and overweight),so i decided to quit drinking
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Posted on 09/07/2008 at 9:09:03 AM

Kelly, you described my life completely. I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten myself out of the house and arrived at my destination but I could not make myself go in. This can be very frustrating for my family. I have not got treatment because it is so embarrassing to me. I can't even pick up the phone to call someone. Often I type out comments on here only to delete them . Your article is an excellent description of a terrible condition.
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Posted on 05/08/2008 at 4:05:56 AM

What an amazing article, Kelly! I had a friend many years ago who suffered from this. It has to be difficult, and I commend you for doing the things that you have to do, even when it's uncomfortable, and I'm so glad that you can go camping with your family. (But don't let me catch you painting and eating jello anywhere!) LOL! Very informative and interesting article!
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Posted on 03/05/2008 at 4:03:52 AM

Oh, and you can thank E for linking to this in the forum. :-)
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Posted on 02/28/2008 at 6:02:52 PM

Wow Kelly! Excellent article! I had no idea you suffered from this. I have panic attacks because of a heart condition, but they are usually about nothing. They just happen and they're the ones that feel like you are having a heart attack and you can't breathe right and start shaking. I couldn't imagine feeling like you do, though. That would definitely make the panic attacks worse because there is actually a thought behind them. How scary! I about shed a tear reading your story because I know how it feels to have a panic attack and yours have got to be worse than mine.
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Posted on 02/28/2008 at 6:02:25 PM

Wow. This was a great insight into a whole world I didn't understand. Before this article my only knowledge of agoraphobia was Sigourney Weaver's character in the movie Copycat. I feel for you and anyone else dealing with this. It has to be so difficult. I'm prone to get terribly fearful of certain events sometimes, but I can't imagine dealing with it day in and day out.
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Posted on 06/14/2007 at 2:06:00 AM

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