Here's What You Say to Single Mothers

Or, How to Use PayPal to Ensure that a Single Mother Does Not Punch You in the Face

I am the single mother of two. I have a teenage boy whom I did birth from mine own loins, and I have a toddler girl, who is biologically my niece, and whom I love more than Fruit o' My Loins because she did not give me stretch marks or PPD. Also, she calls me "beyotch" 100% less than the teenage boy-- an endearing quality, truly.

I hate admitting that I am a single mother, because it unleashes a torrent of stereotypes-- stereotypes embedded deep in the subconscious. I won't address these individually. You're welcome. Then there's the consciously-thought stereotypes, one of which is this: single mothers are pitiable. Pitiful? What's the difference between the two words? I am too lazy to open another browser window to refer to dictionary.com. I think either word is appropriate in this context. I hope ASU doesn't take my English degree away. Either way, you, Non-Single Parent Person, are so, so glad you are not us. You tell us that all the time, though usually in slightly more tactful ways. That is why I, Jackie L., am here to tell you that single mothers are not the Oliver Twists of the parenting world. Don't cry for us, Argentina.

Do you know how we know that you pity us? Let's do a little roleplaying. I'll be the single mother:

Average Single Mother: I'm a single mother.

Average Citizen: (face contorts into expression of faux torment) Ohhhh, that must be so HARD.

(And just let me interject at this moment to show you the difference between that reaction, and the reaction single fathers get)

Average Single Father: I'm a single father.

Average Citizen: (face softens into one of dazed adoration) Wow, that is just AMAZING.

Average Single Father: Yeah, it's really hard, because I haven't had sex in a really, really long time, because I'm so busy taking care of my child.

Average Citizen: I'd LOVE to sleep with you! Here's my phone number, sweetie, you just call me anytime. And God bless you for what you're doing for that precious child.