How to Be the Ultimate Kiss Ass

The Influence of Kissing Ass

Ah, how we hate kiss asses. Yet, we do not mind having our derrieres buttered up a bit. A little waxing here, a nice moisturizing there, and before we know it we are sitting on top of the world. Are we really going to take the individual kisser with us? We like to think we would never forget the people behind the scenes, however, this is corporate america. We love to see people scratching and clawing their way to the top. They are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, but are they truly reliable?

We are teaching our children, at an early age, the tactics of butt kissing. The real catalyst behind an early butt kisser is their competitive nature. We love winners, right? Of course we do. We tend to forget the importance of team work and friendship. I am sorry, but there are exceptionally talented individuals, middle men and women, and those satisfied with doing as little as possible. Kissing ass is a technique used by those individuals needing a little help to get where they need to go. Forget the exceptional, they stand out already. Forget the bottom feeders, they are happy with the scraps they receive. The middle groups are snubbed by both, the bottoms and tops of the food chain.

So, you want to be a kiss ass? Well, pay attention, because here are several ways to successfully start your booty smooching campaign.

First, practice your daily routine in front of a mirror. Pay close to attention to your superior's every word, absorb it like a sponge. You need to know what they like and what they expect. Make strict mental notes about their likes and dislikes, jot that list down and take it home.
Second, you need to be studious. Success does not happen overnight, solid preparation helps in the long run.
Third, do not start kissing butt after you have already given the company many years of service. Doing this gives the employers reason to believe you are a phony. A good kiss ass starts kissing ass the moment they walk through the door, including the interview process.
Fourth, ignore all the naysayers. Do not let anyone deter your ambition. So what, where will you be in a couple of years?