Tips for Dealing with Abandonment Issues

Dealing with Abandonment Issues

By Michelle WithaM, published Mar 14, 2006
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I am not a licensed mental health professional. This article is just advice to help family members and friends deal with someone who has abandonment issues. Abandonment issues is something that is difficult to deal with. It is most difficult for someone who has abandonment issues and also stressful on the family members of a person that has abandonment issues.

A person who has abandonment issues has a very difficult time with people. It is difficult for them to believe what people say because of someone in the past that was lying to them and never coming back. They get worried that people are going to walk out the door and never come back since it has happened to them before. It is hard for them to trust other people. They often think that people do lie to them all the time because it is has happened before. Someone with abandonment issues does question about everyone even those close to them due to everything that they have been through.

How can you help someone to overcome abandonment issues? Make sure to have quite a bit of patience with the individual. Let them know that you aren't a liar. Promise the person that you aren't going to send them away. Tell the individual that you are never going to leave them. It takes time for someone with abandonment issues to trust people cause of everything that they have been through. The individual needs to go see a mental health professional to help them work through the issues.

They need know that people will follow through with what they say. They need to know that people around them are going to always come back and never leave them. They need to know that people love them. They need to feel loved. It is difficult for them to believe everything that people say because most everyone has lied to them. It is difficult for some friends and family members to understand. The person may have problems in a romance relationship or keeping friends cause of being paranoid most of the time about people cause of what has happened in the past. They often want to have control of situations due to other people just leaving and never coming back.

 
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Takeaways
  • It is possible to overcome abandonment issues
  • Learn to believe people
  • Have patience
Comments
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I've been told I have borderline personality disorder. I've had many people leave me and it's so hard to trust anyone now, and I just recently lost a couple people very important to me. I feel like dying. To me it's the worst feeling a person can have. I don't know the way out of this pain. I really don't think there is a solution because I've been dealing with this for many, many years.

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Posted on 06/11/2008 at 2:06:34 AM

 
You are right that probably most of the population have some sort of abadonment issues iam guessing you are a male from your lack of affection and your blunt cold comment! I like anybody else dont want to have issues or problems but when certain things control your mind they destroy your life and it is only this reason i sought help..I thought if this pain dosent go away if i cant fix this i give up! but i could never give up on my girls..I also was in denial and laughed it off when my councellor told me i have abandonment issues makin jokes to my friends but then i read up on it and it made me cry that he was right and how much it identified with me n my life, but it also made me happy i had an answer...closer to a solution...Alot of ppl do have abandonment issues but alot also have normal lives where they can deal with things in way that someone with abandonment issues cant...If u dont beleive you have an issue why were you in here in the first place thats my question to you..? Enorm

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Posted on 05/27/2008 at 1:05:23 AM

 
I have just learned that i have abandonment issues and when i mean find out i mean i got a name for what was gng on inside me n slowly killing me n driving me crazy! I thought i was going crazy n that i was just destined to hv relationshps like i have had! Iam lucky that 2 a point i have an addiction too weed that has hidden and help me cope with not coping..But really hasnt helped at all! Iam 28 now n i hope i can fix this cause iam so scared if i cant...I have 2 beautifull girls n it kills me 2 knw they c me going through this and how much pain it has caused our lives..I know tha they also will probably go through the same thing from there father leaving and havin no power over that kills me! I dont know much about abandoment issues just what i myself have experienced any information about this would help..Especially things i can do and techniques to free this abandoned voice inside...

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Posted on 05/27/2008 at 1:05:44 AM

 
I am glad I am not the only one.......Thanks for your stories.

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Posted on 04/22/2008 at 2:04:39 PM

 
My mother left me at birth, my adoptive mother died. My adoptive father neglected me emotionally in favour of my abusive stepmother. All the feedback I got from the pair of them was overwhelmingly negative. My first boyfriend made me feel like I wasnt a real person and that I wasnt worth anything. I felt ok for the first time when I went to university, then totally freaked out when my friends moved on with their lives (issues huh?). Now in my happy marriage i'm paralised with fear as i'm worried that my husband will leave me. This isnt a sob story, it's the first time i've put these things in order in my mind.

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Posted on 03/19/2008 at 5:03:18 PM

 
i find it impossible to meet people and therefore remain alone.i wont go into the details of what happened to me when i was young. We all have a story and they all say someone we trusted left us. im 36 now and still struggle daily to make sense of my life. My only advice for what its worth is dont give up, control you're inner voice and dont let it control you. Its fantastically hard to do that but you and i can. Be strong. x

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Posted on 03/09/2008 at 9:03:11 PM

 
I met a woman, knew her for about two years as a friend. We started emailing about something and then phone calls. I never saw the rage side of her before. I was very attracted to her and never really even thought we get together. If I had not of know her for two years I would have ended it but I kept thinking it was me, she would fly into a rage over something and then at some point when I was ready to end it she would cry and tell me she had those abandonment issues. She would drive me crazy with phone calls or I did not say something right. I am very responsible I always carried my phone, I do have kids and she always had something to say about how they behaved. I had a very good male friend I have know for 10 years, we talked on the phone and she finally said he was gay and I was gay, crazy stuff. My ex wife would call and I my girlfriend demanded I cut of all contact except a curt phone call or email. She looked at my phone bill and analyzed it trying to figure out when a

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Posted on 02/23/2008 at 8:02:08 PM

 
Enormous Douche - It's funny how you would take the time to find and read information in regards to abondonment... get a life, and stop attacking people who do not want your ignorant opinion anyway.

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Posted on 11/17/2007 at 6:11:00 PM

 
When i was 1 and a half my father left me. When i was three he tried to get custody but it never went through. After that i never saw him again. im 17 now and still never dealt with it. i always knew i had problems dealing with it but never realized the extent of it until my best friend stopped talking to me because i was so paranoid that she was mad at me or lying to me. i was also paranoid that when she wouldnt call me or answer her phone that she didnt want to be around me no more. i still have major issues with it, even more so now and i always thought that i was the only one feeling the way im feeling. i never knew that this was somewhat normal behavior for someone whos parent(s) left them. is there anyway i can deal with it on my own?

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Posted on 10/28/2007 at 3:10:00 PM

 
I am quite puzzled by the suggestion of "promising" someone that you will never leave them. Making promises can be quite damaging for parties involved - specailly when the promises are not kept for many reasons (such death or other factors). Plus, at times there are other pathological implications that can come up and a person can be/ feel trapped by making such promise. Staying in unhealthy relationships can be quite damaging for those involved.

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Posted on 10/26/2007 at 10:10:00 PM

 
When I was a baby, my mom beat me and neglected me. She was a drug addict and alcoholic. My dad traveled a lot for work and just wasn't there much. When I was 3, he came home and found me bloody and bruised. She said I fell. He took me away from her. He had to quit his job to be with me and we went to live with my grandfather till he could afford to take care of me on his own. I wanted to see my mom so bad. He told me she had beat me and was an alcoholic/ drug addict, but I thought he was lying. I went to see her for mothers day when I was 9. I was so excited to see her, but she was too wasted to say anything to me. Couple months later she called to say she did not love me, and she was not my mother. I hated myself ever since. I left home at 13, lived on the streets for a year, working as a prostitute, was a drug addict, then got arrested and spent a year in lock-up. My suicidal tendencies got worse year by year and now I am 24 and I self mutilate. Everytime I meet somebody who

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Posted on 10/24/2007 at 3:10:00 AM

 
My mom moved to Canada and left me behind in Michigan with no where to go when I was 17. She told me over and over that I just had to understand she couldnt leave her husband. On top of that there was my family in and out of my life whenever they needed something and everyone around me's general lack of care about my health and wellbeing. I.E: Having bronchitis for the 4th year in a row and having my mom tell me to get over it, and I needed to stop being selfish. Granted I like where am, iv delt with alot and this is the last hurdle I feel I need to jump to get better. Any advice? Or just a kind word will work to. :) Reggie

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Posted on 10/16/2007 at 3:10:00 AM

 
My parents married because my mother was pregnant, but then they produced 2 more babies in the loveless marriage. My sisters & I were sent to live with the father's parents when they divorced. Mother left when I was 3yo, and father visited periodically unwelcomly as he was violent and verbally abusive. Eventually he stopped coming. I met my mother my mistake at 16 and tried to have a relationship with her but she was only vaguely interested. After 10 yrs of me doing all the contact I stopped contact. I am now 43, and I have a lovely partner and child, but I still wonder when I will stop aching for the 'parents'that should have loved me.

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Posted on 08/29/2007 at 2:08:00 AM

 
Looks like Enormous Douche is not ready to acknowledge his or her issues. Why antagonize people who wish to work on their own? I am here for support with my own issues of abandonment but find it hard to share when rude comments project this kind of negative energy. Perhaps the person running this gig should moniter the jokers who are making others uncomfortable.

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Posted on 07/18/2007 at 11:07:00 AM

 
I don't believe everyone has abandonment issues as stated above by Enormous Douche, perhaps I come from a different demographic, but quite frankly, I've yet to meet anyone else whose parent has outright abandoned them. Most still talk, if infrequently. I also disagree with Michelle's premise of the article that seems to point to the idea that one who has been abandoned will struggle in society indefinitely. I was (oddly) very close to my father before he left for good when I was 16 (I'm 33 now). What happened at that point was that I embraced all the solid friendships I had, and those friends and their parents were able to instill faith that I still had people to count on. I turned out highly outgoing, extremely social, and am in sales with over 400 clients that I speak to regularly, and believe I have no problem with "people". That my father left me behind & knowing that he will likely not ever be in touch again is and will continue to be very painful, but I prefer to trust & get let

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Posted on 06/09/2007 at 6:06:00 PM

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