A Stepmom's Guide to Enjoying Mother's Day

Being a stepmom is a challenging job even on the best of days. You cook nutritious meals, do mounds of dishes, and give lots of hugs. Then, just like "real moms," you're usually taken for granted. Fortunately for moms, there is that special day on the calendar called "Mother's Day" when their hard work is acknowledged. For stepmothers, however, Mother's Day is often a day to feel forgotten and abandoned, as the kids spend Mother's Day treating their Mom like a queen while their stepmom is left out of the fun and pampering.

As a stepmom to six kids, I spent too many Mother's Days longing for cards that didn't come, phone calls that were never made, and flowers that were never sent. One year I decided enough was enough. I was tired of feeling bad every Mother's Day. I wanted to enjoy the holiday, and it finally dawned on me that I was the only person who could make that happen. Since then, Mother's Day has become a special day for me. If you're a stepmom and you want to start enjoying Mother's Day too, here are some suggestions:

#1 - Change your expectations. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by dreaming of receiving a card or a gift from the kids. Maybe it will happen, and if does, that's great, but don't plan on it and then spend the rest of the day crying if it doesn't happen. Decide that you'll have a great day regardless of what the kids do or don't do.

#2 - Put yourself in their shoes. If your stepkids' mom is involved in their lives, she'll naturally be at the center of their thoughts on Mother's Day. In addition, there are often emotional issues children of divorce must deal with. Does "Mom" have hard feelings towards you? If so, the kids likely sense that and won't want to upset her by acknowledging you on Mother's Day. Perhaps they may be harboring resentment towards you themselves. Most likely though, your stepkids are not out to hurt you; they just don't know how much it would mean to you to hear, "Happy Mother's Day!"