When the Green-Eyed Monster Goes Berserk: Envy Vs. Resentment

Some degree of envy toward those who have more or better than us is normal human nature; there is a deciding line, however, between this normal response and reactions which are clearly abnormal to the point of pathological reactions to the better standing of others. Whether the subject-at-hand is material possessions, opportunity, physical attractiveness, health, nearly anything can fall into the category of bypassing normal envy and taking on an abnormal stance of resentment. As concisely described by Jim B., simple envy is a matter of "I just wish I had what you have," while resentment encompasses an entirely different form: "We wish that the other did not have what they have."

The deciding line is the ill-will involved in the latter; and it is detrimental to both the person who feels and expresses such resentment as well as those who are on the receiving-end of it. Some may recall the story of the twelve-year-old girl who enhanced her appearance with a new, attractive hairstyle-- after viewing her new appearance, her two "best friends" reacted by throwing acid in her face. This type of incident, dramatic as it was, illustrates the difference between normal envy and pathological resentment-- her friends were so "insanely jealous" of her newer, prettier appearance, that they wished to "take it away" from her.

The man who became paralyzed as the result of a car accident may resent his brother who can still walk. The little boy, upon seeing that his best friend has a new bicycle and he himself does not have one, can respond in a normal way-- by asking for rides, by nagging his parents for a bike, by saving money to earn one of his own-- or he can erupt in anger and break his friend's bicycle.

In addition to inappropriate responses to such things which are easily seen, understood and acknowledged, resentment can take on an even deeper form when the subjects are not as clear. In the words of a doctor on the popular television show House, "When you are a drug addict, you want to believe that everybody else is one, too." This can be filed under the old saying which, unfortunately, is too often true: "Misery loves company."