Sexual Chocolate

Brenda Lee Johnson (played by Kyra Sedgwick) on TNT's The Closer will see a piece of chocolate, debate silently, pushing a finger in front of her lips, perhaps in a motion to try to keep herself from eating it. She knows it's bad for her and that's why she struggles with herself the way she does. But when she caves into the temptation, you'd think the world had disappeared for her. There's a lot of ooooo-ing and ahhhhhhh-ing; very clearly this is almost a sexual experience for her. And she most often eats it alone. I have never understood that kind of reaction to food.

Until now.

I've been a bit on the heavy side since I was a teenager. There was a small stint after my divorce when I lost that weight, only to put it back on again after I had my two boys. But there's something you have to understand about heavy people. When heavy people eat, most often is it not because they are hungry. I know for myself, I wasn't even aware of the real taste of food. There are different reasons for different people. I'm not completely sure what mine was; perhaps low self esteem, boredom, habit, or a combination of the three. I could certainly get into a long spill of how it started but I'll spare you the details of that in favor of moving to the point.

Not long ago, I came to a self realization that only I can do something about myself. If I sat around and waited for someone to help me lose my extra pounds, I'd always be waiting. I took charge of myself and started eating healthy, started exercising, and over all began to improve my life. Now here's the thing; if I think of it as a temporary diet, I might lose the weight but it will come right back when I start eating "normal" again. I have to think of it as a life change. I had to convince myself that I'd have to eat like this for the rest of my life. When I got to the point that I was okay with that, when I finally realized through a family death that if I didn't do it, I'd die young, then I started my life change.