A Short Practical Outline of the Elements of the Grieving Process

In this hour of profound grief, all of us need to maintain a coping mechanism to deal rationally with our rage and grief, doubts and fears, and still remain balanced enough not to feel prejudice against any person, race or color. And not to despair beyond life itself.

"I can't believe that such a thing could happen here." is a classic statement of denial. Denial is among the first stages of grief. Another manifestation of denial is refusing to acknowledge that we are susceptible to anger, depression, self-blame and other expressions of grief, because of pride.

Blame is a coping mechanism and a natural part of the grieving process. Do not belittle those coping with grief in the projection of blame. Talk them through it. Walk them through it. Humor them through it.

Two-inch headlines in bold black lettering blared across two lines of a local newspaper, "Why Wasn't He Stopped?", the day after the deadliest shooting in American history. People of all ages, ethnic backgrounds, economic levels are shocked and saddened that such an event could happen to us. An event of such magnitude reaches the core of us all, and we demand and fully expect answers. Families are completely numbed into the bottomless pit of disbelief and grief that their lives have been so brutally shattered forever.

Was the school security program lax? Were the police dragging their feet? Was it the fault of the store owner where the powerful firearms were purchased? Was it the fault of the Virginia Legislature for not passing rigid and enforceable gun laws? Was the perpetrator bullied at school? Was he harassed because of his ethnicity. We all want answers! We demand and expect answers! The talk show hosts and news journalists are all speculating the whys and wherefores, spreading unconfirmed information like wildfire. They are seeking answers as soon as possible, because as one journalist stated, "so the families can start to find closure and begin healing".