The Worst Song Title of All Time

Ladies and gentlemen, if you can think of a sleazier, more forward, and more desperate song title than this adult-contemporary slow jam from Michael Bolton, please let me know.

"Can I Touch You...There?"

A look at the lyrics reveals references to touching a woman's heart, but I think we all know where this no-talent ass clown is going.

What's funny though is examining what makes this song title so bad. If it were titled "Can I Touch You There?", it still wouldn't be pretty, but it's the elipsis in the title what really ups the sleaze factor. Those three little dots representing the pause is what drives it all. Not only do they signify desperation, but also intonation in a haunting visual I have. Can't you just picture a weak, love-stricken (and horny) Michael Bolton on his knees, crawling over to his lover and whispering this request with hushed, halting breaths? And then getting smacked in the face? I can.

It's also worth noting that instead of parentheses, Bolton reuses this punctuation in an almost equally wince-inducing ballad, "Said I Love You...But I Lied." And with "Steel Bars", the love-metaphor cheese just keeps on churning.

Steel bars, wrapped all around me
I've been your prisoner since the day you found me
I'm bound forever, till the end of time
Steel bars wrapped around this heart of mine