Keeping Your Girlfriend in Check

Not Possible, You Say? Well, Yeah, You're Probably Right..

I must say I was a bit taken aback when I received this month's assignment in the hollowed-out tree stump in my front yard. Keeping your girlfriend in Czech? Yes, I have a Slovak background, so the sentenced seemed reversed. I mean, seriously, what kind of stupid assignment did my hollowed-out tree stump come up with here? Upon getting my glasses I realized I had misread the missive. So that was great a relief as I really don't want to have to replace my hollowed-out tree stump.

So, bunky, the girlfriend getting a bit out of hand? Kinda running wild? Often running the show? Looking to usurp your life? Take a number and get in line. What you are up against is millions of years of evolution (or several weeks, if you're a fundamentalist). We're talking about the very genetic make-up of humanity. The girlfriend of the species is a nurturer by nature. A creature placed on this planet to care for, influence and guide others. So it takes a great deal of effort to get her to step off.

Effort like this generally involves some standard re-programming. Brainwashing this type of person usually takes methods not generally approved under the Geneva Convention. Hopefully, they soon will be in this country (fingers crossed!). Until that day, the laws in this country severely hamper our attempts to keep our lady-folk in check. It's a pity, but our society has proven that age-old adage, "Spare the rod, spoil the girlfriend."

So, in the "hands-off" environment we live in today, mankind has to take a more psychological approach to dealing with womankind. We really have to go mental here, guys. We're talking about a grand Pavlovian take on living your life. Yes, it might be considered inconvenient at times, but the joy of having her "under your thumb" will make it all seem worthwhile.