Postpartum Depression: My Time in Darkness

Seeing Sunshine After Climbing Out of a Dark Hole

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After the birth of my second child in 1999, I found myself in a deep, dark hole within myself. It was postpartum depression and according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services I was one of the 13% of postnatal women annually who slip into that same darkness.

It was a disturbing and frightening time in my life that I still remember well and pray never to experience again. My biggest regret is not having the knowledge to recognize the symptoms and the courage to seek help earlier before I was so deep that it was a struggle to climb back out.

Postpartum Depression: More Than Baby Blues

My second child, Mia, came screaming into the world at 12:27 a.m. on a Tuesday morning in August of 1999.
Elation and euphoria are the norm for a mother giving birth and looking at her child for the first time and I was no different. I was instantly in love.

My husband Sam, baby Mia and I left the hospital and went to my parent's home - where our two-year-old son Kage and my parents were waiting for us. This was our temporary home - my parents' house. Our house had burned earlier in the year and Sam, Kage and I had moved in with my parents while we waited on the insurance to settle and get our new house built.

Our new house was waiting for us now, finished and ready to be moved into - a week before my due date. Prior to Mia's birth, though, I had announced that I would not be moving until after the baby was born. I was nesting and would not be going anywhere. When Mia was one week old, our new family of four moved into our new house.
I felt hopeful that we would settle into the newness of the home and the four-person family quickly.

Fast forward six months when life should have been back to normal and well-adjusted. In fact, my life was far from it.

I began to realize something wasn't right when the normal period of hormonal imbalance and baby blues after delivery had long since passed. Baby blues generally last about 10 days postpartum - but mine had never gone away and had in fact escalated.

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