Sheryl Crow Says: One Square of Toilet Paper Only!

By Eric Fleming, published Apr 23, 2007
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In a blog posting over the weekend, singer Sheryl Crow unveiled her plan to help everyone combat global warming. It involves toilet paper. I'll let Sheryl tell it in her own words:

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."

Crow is not the first to consider the possibility that toilet paper might be one of the root causes of the .6 degrees (Celsius) the Earth has warmed over the past century. Last month, the New York Times featured a family living in Manhattan - Colin Beaven, Michelle Conlin, and their 2-year-old daughter Isabelle - which is attempting a year-long project they call "No Impact." The goal of the project is to live an entire year without making any impact on the environment.

According to the New York Times article, this involves the family eating only organically grown food (grown within 250 miles of Manhattan), no shopping for anything except food, producing no trash except compost, no carbon-based transportation and no paper use.

The lack of paper is perhaps the most difficult. Not only because both parents work in publishing (he is a writer of historical nonfiction and she is a writer at Business Week), but because the ban on paper includes toilet paper. As the author of the article says, "Nothing is a substitute for toilet paper, by the way; think of bowls of water and lots of air drying."

Sheryl Crow Says: One Square of Toilet Paper Only!

Sheryl Crow

Credit: Publicity photo

Copyright: Publicity photo

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I cannot use only one square of toilet paper. I have to have a few squares! I would like to know if Sheryl Crow is actually able to do this every day. I don't see it happening! :)

Posted on 07/06/2008 at 8:07:52 PM

 
Sheryle Crow is an anorexic bimbo who has never used toilet paper in her entire life. She doesn't need toilet paper! Everything she eats comes out the same way it went in. She doesn't shit! She only pukes! Naturally when you purge after eating you won't need toilet paper, She just bows down before the porcelain alter, worshiping the goddesses Ana and Mia, performs her ritual of gagging herself and throwing up, talking to Ralph on the great white telephone! She will eventually die of anorexia. Then the world will be a far better place without that skinny little trailer trash bimbo slut!

Posted on 04/14/2008 at 11:04:04 PM

 
Corn cobs! Sponges with rose water! http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/415963/what_did_people_use_before_toilet_paper.html

Posted on 10/23/2007 at 11:10:00 AM

 
That no impact? Sorry. You breathe, you make an impact. They had a child, that's an impact. However, I totally do not agree with the only have one child thing. Some people want big families. They can teach those children to be responsible for the environment.

Posted on 10/23/2007 at 11:10:00 AM

 
It turns out Sheryl was just kidding about the toilet paper! Seriously folks, we are $%^&ing up the planet, and I don't mean Ice Age either. I'm talking about bulldozing the rainforest and every virgin tract of wilderness into oblivion to make way for development and growth. Do you have more than two children? Congratulations - you proudly support President Bush and the war regime. If you don't believe me, check out my post on American Singles, 'have no children, plan on having one child'. I drive less than 7,500 miles, eat four to six pounds of meat - in a year, and live in a modest home.

Posted on 05/26/2007 at 6:05:00 PM

 
One square of toilet paper is a joke, but using cloth toilet paper could make quite a bit of difference. :)

Posted on 04/30/2007 at 6:04:00 PM

 
I bet her silkies are filled with skid marks

Posted on 04/28/2007 at 11:04:00 PM

 
I linked your article to a poem I just wrote, since this inspired it... I'm chuckling. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/225919/conservation_poem_ode_to_toilet_paper.html

Posted on 04/25/2007 at 4:04:00 PM

 
I think Charlotte hit the nail on the head about comedy. Perhaps I should give her some lessons. Or Jim Stillman can...dead squirrels! Now that's comedy. Jim write that article!

Posted on 04/25/2007 at 11:04:00 AM

 
Although I don't believe in "Global Warming" and think that all Gore is full of it... I still don't think environmental issues should be joked about... thumbs down to Sheryl Crowe!!!

Posted on 04/25/2007 at 9:04:00 AM

 
I'm sick of these so-called celebrities and their hypocritical utterances towards the rest of us. The biggest polluters and end-users of natural resources are China and India right now and they are immune from the idiotic Kyoto Protocol. I hereby nominate Al Gore to collect all the used toilet paper squares and then he can redistribute them to the Global Warming morons for re-use.

Posted on 04/25/2007 at 5:04:00 AM

 
We are incredibly spoiled. Do you know how many people on this earth have no toilet paper at all? When I adopted my daughter in Russia, the childrens hospital/orphanage she was in used old magazines and newspapers for toilet paper, and the stuff many places had there if they had it at all was very rough. Many public faciltities had no toilet paper or you had to pay for it if you wanted it. Luckily I was warned before I went, so I at least brought a bunch of partial rolls with me to fit in my purse for public places, plus some full rolls which I ended up leaving behind for my hostess and she was thrilled to have them, because it was so soft. I remember using leaves when we were out camping many times. I know it was a joke, but she does make a point. Good article.

Posted on 04/25/2007 at 3:04:00 AM

 
I wonder why more haven't thought of producing toilet paper made of cotton? It is far cheaper and easier to produce and just as soft. Just a thought??

Posted on 04/24/2007 at 10:04:00 PM

 
Obviously, she's not talented in the humor department.

Posted on 04/24/2007 at 9:04:00 PM

 
How embarrassing for Sheryl Crow. She will be forever remembered as the Toilet Paper Queen. What I'd like to know is how Sheryl proposes to enforce this. Will our jails be full of toilet paper hogs? Will toilet paper be allocated based on fanny size?

Posted on 04/24/2007 at 8:04:00 PM

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