Write a Bad Personal Ad Today

Good personal ads are easy to find. What you want to write to show your snowflake-like uniqueness is an ad that combines neediness with hostility. You are the first person to have a rocky past history and you want to meet someone now, now, now so get started on your bad ad.

Start by choosing your own first name as your user name. Because many people have your name, unless you are called something like Abcdef or Lemon Pie, the system will suggest a number to have after your name as part of the user name. Use the suggestion; you want to blend in with the other users of the personals site.

Put it out there in the title that you are incredibly lonely. People can't wait to take up time with someone who does not have the social skills to make friends. You will get even more responses if you are not only lonely, but in need of rescuing as well. Home improvement is so popular on television that it follows that potential mates will want to take you on as an improvement project. You get bonus points if your title rhymes or is alliterative. You win the personals prize if your headline says you want to get married. Whoever replies will feel great about knowing you are so desperate that they will be filling a prefabricated spot in your life.

Don't get too hung up on correct spelling or grammar. You want your future spouse to know that you are laid back. Besides, you don't want to be seen as one of those awful nerds who went to college and likes to sit around reading and doing fractions.

Start the main text of the ad with a list of who should not contact you. Insulting thinly veiled descriptions of former respondees and exes will make new people who read your ad feel confident that you will respond to their overtures favorably. It is essential to specify that you do not want any drama. That way everyone knows you create drama, otherwise it would go without saying that you don't want it.