How to Run Men Out of Your Life

I know most of you women have had a man or two you just cannot get out of your hair. They call incessantly wanting to take you out on another date. Most, and let me reiterate most, of you are just too kind hearted to hurt their feelings to say no. Now you have a dilemma on your sweet little hands. How do you get rid of this gentleman that you do not have any chemistry for. Let me help you out.

For of all you who may want to know what my qualifications are for writing this article, here they are. Well, yes I am a woman. In fact a woman in my sexual prime not having any sex because it seems I have guaranteed that they all never call back. Maybe I am too picky. No, actually I have only had ONE date in the nine years since my divorce. So I can assure you if you follow these steps meticulously, men will run for their lives.

After a divorce or if single, to narrow done your selection of men pestering you try these ideas:

1. Start drinking a six pack every night. This is good for calming the nerves.

2. Within six month you will need to increase this amount to a twelve pack a day.

3. Within a year this amount should have increased easily to a twelve pack plus a liter of vodka a day.

4. By the end of the year of increasing alcohol consumption you should go from a slender 125 pounds like I did to a sexy 200 pounds.

5. To help create the new sexy and curvier you, for goodness sakes, quit starving yourself and go to McDonalds and get a damn Big Mac. After all you are no longer having sex you might as well find gratification some other way. Besides, this is just more of you to love when the right man comes along. Yeah, when hell freezes over.

6. Quit shaving you legs. This becomes a difficult task at 200 pounds anyway. Plus, more hair keeps you warmer at night.

7. Quit wearing makeup. It is bad for your skin.

8. Quit dying you roots. Chemicals damage you hair. Besides, it will not be two different colors forever.

9. Fall into a deep, dark depression and never leave your house. This will definitely reduce the pool of men from which to select.

10. Decide to date guys half your age. You may have to resort to your son or daughter to play matchmaker.