How to Find the Love of Your Life

 For many, dating has become a hassle and a half.  Dealing with incompatible people and rejection are bad enough without the very real concern for safety.  Why must anyone put with it?  There should be a better, more efficient, safer way to meet people.That's the basic premise of How To Find The Love Of Your Life.  Author Ben Dominitz covers the "hidden singles" market, why the first date is one of the worst ways to get to know someone (I wholeheartedly agree) and a step-by-step alternative.Forget about singles bars, parties, and chance encounters as a way to meet your one and only.  The basic theory of this method is that if you "circulate" enough, you're bound to find your mate.  Yes, you'll meet others, sometimes.  But a compatible mate, not very often.  Traditional dating procedures tend to involve excessive game playing and "masks."  While he's not knocking the entire institution, Mr. Dominitz does contend that as a result, traditional dating is a lousy way to begin a new relationship.His alternative is simply the old-fashioned idea of having friends, acquaintances, and relatives help, through referrals and introductions of people they know.  If someone you know introduces you, he or she has "pre-screened" that person, and so that person carries a stamp of approval.  (You don't expect your brother to introduce you to a bum.)The author believes 90 days is ideal for setting goals and a pace.  It's as long as most people can concentrate on one special purpose or project.   He feels "90 days to a permanent relationship" is a realistic goal for most people.In "Campaign, Part 1," you begin your search by listing those who can help you meet others, setting appointments, and conducting referral interviews for prospects.  Then you rendezvous with each prospect, that is, set up a casual meeting in a public area.  This "undate" enables you to check out compatibility and is intended as nothing more for the time being."Campaign II" is getting to know each other to see if you're really "in like."  He gives some do's and don'ts on subjects to discuss and appearance."Campaign III" covers 8 steps to promote a relationship, such as sharing an adventure and talking out problems.Variations of the campaign techniques can be used on blind dates, at dinner parties, classes, and meetings.The book makes interesting observations about the whole mating and dating process, but some parts did drag.  I have already adopted the "undate."  And it does work!    By talking with someone, asking open-ended questions in a safe public area, you'll find out more about each other's morals, values, weirdness, and other traits within a few minutes than several dates would uncover. Those familiar with video dating may recognize Jeffrey Ullman as the founder of one of the most successful services, "Great Expectations."  In The Singles Almanac, he covers "The Singles Lifestyle", "Meeting People", "Travel For Singles", "Relationships", "Sex", "Living Together",  and "Single Again".Within these seven topics are interesting lists and quizzes, such as "Are You A Love Junkie?"  I found the lists to be the most fascinating part of the almanac.  For example, singles feel the most lonely on hoildays, birthdays, and Sunday afternoons.  In that order.  And the most desired physical and personality traits are a smile and a sense of humor.  These were tops for both sexes."Meeting People" contained a potpourri of tips and strategies for encounters as well as the usual common places where singles gather and where they don't.  For instance, if you're female, over 30, and reside on the East Coast, your chances for finding single men are lousy. For men, it doesn't matter where they live or how old they are; they have a 10% chance of meeting single women! (Disgusting, isn't it?)  That may explain why some of my brothers and their friends are juggling several girl friends.The sections on sex, living together, and being single again give only basic information most singles already know."Travel For Singles" lists several good vacation spots:  The Bahamas, Mexico, Hawaii, and Tahiti.  Also Aspen, Colorado and Deer Valley, Utah.  I can understand the others, but Deer Valley, Utah?  According to Mr. Ullman, it's "The Aspen Of Utah."  The safety tips for traveling solo can be summed up thus:  watch your money, use common sense, and don't advertise to the planet you're going away.Mr. Ullman tells how to write a love letter and what it means to send certain flowers.  He explains how to interpret a line:  "Why isn't someone great like you married?" means "What's wrong with you that I don't know about?"   The section on "Famous Before and After Quotes" was quite amusing.  Example, Rita Hayworth on husband no. 4:  Before:  I will follow him anywhere in the world."  After:  "I don't know where he is and I don't care".Though some parts can be skimmed, overall I found The Singles Almanac highly readable and fascinating.