Steps to Stop a Bully

When I was in school in the 1960's, bullying wasn't a big deal. Oh, sure, we had the big tough guys who liked to pick on the smaller weaker kids. But most of what they did would seem fairly tame by today's bullying standards. Plus, once a kid made it home, he was safe and secure within the walls of their home and their yard. In those pre-Internet and pre-email days, the bully couldn't get into your home.

Today, however, bullying has increased dramatically. Although some bullies are still the same type who push a little kid in line, their kind is diminishing and being replaced by the bully who uses physical threats. These physical threats are not the push-and-shove-I'll-beat-you-up-after-school kind of threats. Now the bully's threats include weapons of knives, metal clubs, baseball bats and guns.

Added to the physical threats are the emotional and social threats. Girls seem to be worse than boys and have perfected the art of emotionally slamming their target. With one word, friends turn on friends to ostracize them from the group and even the larger school community as well. Curses are shouted at the target child in school hallways while bullies urge the victim to harm themselves, move away or even kill themselves. Often, these verbal bullies do worse harm than the ones who hit. These verbal attackers strip their victim of their dignity and self-esteem and, worse, in rare cases, their will to live.

But why do bullies bully? Most experts agree that children who bully do so to build themselves up. By tearing down another person's self-esteem, they believe they've either risen above the victim's level or, failing that, brought the victim down to their level. Some children bully others in order to fit into a social group. Still others take the get-them-before-they-get-me method and start bullying so the other bullies won't turn on them.

What can you do to stop a bully? Try these steps:

Report the abuse to an adult. If the first adult fails to help, tell another and another until someone goes to help the victim.