Let Off Steam with a Good Fight

Think hard - all major decisions in your life have accompanied tiffs and routine fights, be it planning a holiday, moving house or even something as small as selecting a DVD to watch over the weekend. When you are at it, it seems infuriating. But think about all the big fights and the small tiffs that have been part of the major plans of your life. Do you regret them? Maybe not; because they have brought you closer.

Altercations - both big and small - are a healthy part of long-lasting relationships. You may be a loving and understanding couple, but by putting up a wise fight you learn to depend on each other's strengths, compensate for your own weaknesses and protect your vulnerabilities. So long as each fight is productive, there is no threat to your relationship. It will only enhance the relationship you have with each other. And there are ways of achieving this.

Figure your feelings
Every conflict arises out of a certain feeling of sadness, pain or dissatisfaction. There may be many reasons for these feelings to arise. A conflict gives clues to discover what the real issues are and the need to talk and sort them out. Do you feel unappreciated and unwanted in the relationship? Maybe at the end of the big talk, a simple solution arises - you miss spending quality time with each other and you need to rectify that. You've both gotten to the point, and you now have to chart the future course of action.

Me Vs You
Avoid any association with these words. It puts the blame squarely on the other person. Don't say things like: "You left the wet clothes on the bedroom floor", or "Your kitchen is always a mess" etc. These are personal attacks and will only make your partner more defensive and worsen the conflict.

Mind your manners
Do not yell or call each other names. Do not dismiss the other person's ideas as irrelevant either. Lend a patient ear and work to arrive at amicable solutions.

Give it time
If the feelings are too intense on both sides, take time out and get composure. Reacting in the heat of the moment will only worsen things. Take deep breaths. It will calm you down and clear your head as well.