Interview with a Thanksgiving Turkey

Tom Tells All

ME: Good afternoon, Mr. Turkey. I just wanted to thank you for granting me this interview. I have always wondered what it would be like to be a turkey so close to Thanksgiving.

TURKEY: Why? What are you...some sort of barbarian? By the way, you can call me tom. (a female turkey is called a hen).¹

ME: No. I am a traditionalist. I enjoy celebrating the Thanksgiving tradition. It wasn't me that deemed the turkey to be the center of attention.

TURKEY: Oh, so you like tradition, do you? Are you aware of the tradition of Thanksgiving?

ME: Sure. That's why I wanted to get a chance to talk to you before...well, you know.

TURKEY: Yes. Yes. I know. But tell me, what do you know about this favorite holiday?

ME: Hey, I know all about Thanksgiving. And besides, I'm asking the questions. So tell me, what does it feel like to be a turkey one month before Thanksgiving?

TURKEY: Not very good. Do you know that the average person in America back in 2007, ate 17 ½ pounds of turkey that year?² That's a crime! The turkeys produced in 2007 together weighed 7.9 billion pounds and were valued at $3.7 billion³ . That is inhumane.

ME: Well Tom, its tradition. 97% or Americans surveyed by the National Turkey Federation eat turkey at Thanksgiving.⁴

TURKEY: Well, that's just great. You guys are making a huge mistake I tell you!

ME: How so, Tom?

TURKEY: We have long been a segregated species. We never meant anyone harm. We wish we could live and let live. But, it's impossible. Do you know that people that eat turkeys love the breast meat the most? Do you know what happened just because of that little tidbit?

ME: Honestly, I do not.

TURKEY: "Because Americans like white meat so much, turkeys are bred to produce large breasts. Our domesticated turkeys have such large chests that the male, "tom turkey" is not able to fertilize the eggs of the female, "hen turkeys" in the natural mating position. Today, turkey eggs are fertilized by artificial insemination for the hatchery" ⁵

I ask you, how would you like it not being able to "mate" for the rest of your natural life?

ME: I have to admit, I wasn't aware of that.