Depression, Anxiety and Mood Swings: The Confessions of a Mother

A combination of genetics, postpartum, and life circumstances thrust my happy and cheerful personality into a spiraling world of chaos. I once was the early bird awakening at the dawn to get ready for school, the kids, or whatever chores and fun activities were to come my way. Sure, I had my day planned down to a T, but hey, nothing wrong with a schedule, right?

Before depression and anxiety consumed my life, I would happily push my kids in the stroller around the neighborhood. This was as much for fun as for exercise. I had hobbies like cooking, reading, and volunteering. Most of all, I enjoyed my family and friends.

My mental issues of depression and anxiety stole all of this from me. My mood changed so frequently it was unbearable. Although it sounds like a line from a commercial for an anti-depressant, my relationships with people began to change. My personality went from pleasant to panic in no time flat. There were days when I was so eager to hang out with my friends, play with my children, and watch some television. There were also days when I had no feelings or excitement at all. I was not even happy to see my husband come home from work. Friends would call and I would ponder excuses to pardon myself from the conversation.

For months I simply felt numb. No sad, no happy, no feelings of any kind. It felt so miserable to walk through life like you were some part of a movie.

The numb feeling somehow catapulted from no feelings to extreme over emotion. Every emotion humanly possible ran through my veins like lightening. When I was happy, I was overjoyed to the extent of hysterical laughter. A simple scrape or bump on my children would instill a fear in me so deep it is unimaginable. I recall a night when my youngest son was sick. I lay in his bed with my hand touching his chest to comfort myself. I knew he was alright, but it scared me so fiercely that I literally shook. I wondered if this feeling was only in my head until my son asked me to stop moving the bed. It was making sleep difficult.